Robert Dole, born under the name Manuel Jose Marquez, was born in Horacio, Mexico in 1923(approx).
His father, Jose Garcia Marquez (18??-194?), was only a common rat merchant,
but sent him to school until he was 12. He then began to work in his father's rat farm and learned a trade.
The Dole family is still known for being some of the most accomplished rat farmers in the world.
His father won awards for the "Fattest Rat of the Century" in 1911 with a rat named "Emiela"
who weeighed 47 lbs. 6 oz. His mother was a crack dealer and died shortly after his unrecorded birth.
On the side, she was El Presidente's mistress and also harvested the Horacio beanfield for her remaining years.
Manuel was already 4'7" by the time he was 4 years old and still holds Mexio's most renouned
award-The Pequenito Award for Amazing Growth. He also holds on of Mexico's most prized literary
awards for his short story "Debajo Mi Coche" which he wrote when he was only 11 years of age.
When he was 14 his father helped him get to and across the border. His father had served in Mexico's
Policia Secreta for 3 years and was a perfect shot with a rifle at 250 yards. His father shot four
gaurds before he was brought down. He was taken to a Mexican prison where he died in 194?.
Manuel swore revenge on the border patrolmen. He got it two monthes later when, in a rich fog,
he cut the throats of two men and slipped out before any others could react.
Dole also says of his early days "If I didn't have those crack rocks, I wouldn't be where I am today."
When he got to Port LeGra, he sold his mother's last crack rocks to get enough money to eat.
He soon changed his name to Robert Dole and started his own rat farm with the leftover money from the crack.
He says that in his early years that his "crazy Uncle Charly" told him that Port LeGra was the
greatest place on Earth. His Uncle Charly was actually a psychiatric patient who had earlier
played in a famous cajun zydeco band called "Nonk Allie". His rat farm quickly failed as they
already had "too many goddamn rats" according to Uncle Charly. Dole served 2 weeks of a 1 year
sentence for breaking Uncle Charly's legs for making the comment. In escaping, he killed two
gaurds and wounded 12 others. He fled to Lubbock and fell back on his father's handgun training.
He made money by mugging late night streetwalkers. This got him the nickname "The Killer Guy"
in local newspapers. He was never caught. He also dealt dried oak leaves rolled in cigarette paper
to strangers for three dollars apiece. He would sometimes take tap water and sell it to minors,
telling them it was vodka.
He started the orange company in 1931 but quickly sold it for a good profit which he said
"...will probably keep me chest deep in marijuana until I'm 80 years old!" After he ran
out of money six monthes later, he entered the U.S. Navy Seals of which he is still
an active member, taking assignments in Berlin and Moscow (mainly). During his duty in Korea,
he married Kyeung Hsai, but quickly got a divorce when he discovered that she was not American.
She later went on to become Korea's first female boxing champion. Dole came back to America and went A.W.O.L.
He drove a stolen car to Las Vegas where he met Elvis Prestly and the two were an instant hit.
He and Elvis toured Las Vegas casinos and mainstages in the midwest for about a year.
He and Elvis also won three of the Grand Slam tennis tournaments in doubles (Australian Open, French Open
and Wimbledon). After suffring a strained shoulder, Dole was forced into retirement. He opened up a
diner called Bob's Soul Food and made a small fortune selling "The World's Best Chitlin's and Pig's Feet".
He started selling them through mail order and again became very wealthy. He sold the company along with
his eternal soul to a man who called himself "Natas" for four thousand dollars. With it he moved to
Maryland and bought a modest house and a Chevrolet. He is still reminiscent of his life in Old Mexico
and often travels there. One of his hobbies is smuggling cocain through the U.S. patrol just to see if
he can get away with it.
He now lives in Washington, D.C. permanently and is running for President of the United States.
He recently wrote a book while serving 4 monthes in the Springfield Institute of Corrections
titled How to Kill Several People with Your Hands. He was serving time for an assasination attempt on
Mario Cuomo, but only got sentenced 4 monthes time because hey, it's Mario. He says that he has no regrets,
and if he had the chance to do it all again, he would have done the same except for the male
prostitution ring during the mid 70's.