I was wasting my life in class one day when my professor unintentionally said
"...learning how to struggle. Wait, I mean..." and though I didn't catch the rest
of what he said, I felt I got the point he wasn't trying to make:
that we all need to learn how to do things we should really already know how
to do, or don't need to know how to do because doing them isn't something
we'd want to do, or because they just kind of happen without us meaning to do them.
My point here is that Billy Crystal is pretty funny sometimes, you know,
I don't really make an effort to watch him but if it's on, okay.

Here are some helpful hints on how to get yourself into situations
which require struggling, and an explanation of how to struggle.

When people ask me "Tim," "No -- Josh" I say "Josh, what is the best
way for me to get entangled or enveloped or otherwise hung up in something."
(As if it were a declaritive)
And I say "I don't even like the name Tim. I can't believe you
forgot my name, mom. God I hate you. But if you feel you have
to struggle like that, first let's end the quote."

You should find something like rope, quicksand, a gravel pit, bear trap, mouse
trap, fly trap, trap shoot, trap set, bad relationship, or other thing in
which you can get stuck. If you can't find anything like that, try to find
a ledge such as the edge of a tall building, side of a cliff, etc.
and hang from it. Ledge struggling is less exhausting but can
still be lots of work and stress. For beginners though,
I'd recommend some kind of trap like I said.
Pay attention.

Once you have found it, get entangled in it by weaving yourself
mentally and physically in, around, through, between, and any other
of your other favorite prepositions. Yes, I know you saw that coming;
that's just because you're so clever. Once you are sufficiently entangled,
sieze different random muscles at inappropriate intervals. If you can,
try and strain some ligaments, overextend joints, and generally
bruise yourself. On the mental side, concentrate on being paranoid.
Consider worst case scenario situations that will most likely not arise
and worry as much as possible. If you're not prone to these sorts of things,
lightly cut a vein and begin running a single bad thought through your mind
and, if necessary, over your lips. My favortie is simply "Oh my God."

If you follow these simple instructions, you'll be on your way
to struggling futilely in a matter of weeks, guaranteed.*

I hope that this has been as informative as it has been extant.
I also hope that I can get a job. Your job in fact.